Let them eat cake

Seriously? This man is the Republican nominee for President of the United States?


Trump and Pence, seated on their gilded Louis XIV thrones, describe their sacrifices in the wake of Mr. Khan’s agonized speech on the death of his son:

Trump appeared to try to brush the speech aside, saying that Khan “was, you know, very emotional and probably looked like a nice guy to me.”

Trump also said, “If you look at his wife, she was standing there. She had nothing to say. She probably, maybe she wasn’t allowed to have anything to say. You tell me.”

Pressed by Stephanopoulos to name the sacrifices he’d made for his country, Trump said: “I think I’ve made a lot of sacrifices. I work very, very hard. I’ve created thousands and thousands of jobs, tens of thousands of jobs, built great structures. I’ve had tremendous success. I think I’ve done a lot.”

What a douchebag.

PS  Just because the wife stood by her husband while he spoke doesn’t make her a puppet. What a tool this guy is.

PPS If this is the very best the Republican Party has to offer as their candidate, and Paul Ryan and crew stand by this misogynistic, racist cretin, as the face of the party, I weep for the future. Grow a pair and step away.

PPPS to Pence. Your tie doesn’t work with that suit at all. Also, how much valium did it take to achieve that look of being at inner peace despite sitting next to that man while he talked about how great he is?

Some vegans are sanctimonious prigs

Every year, the world goes insane over the Yulin Dog Meat Festival. This year, more than 11 million people signed petitions aimed at stopping the barbaric slaughter. It’s gotten a great deal of press and inevitably, a response from sanctimonious vegans who call everyone a hypocrite for decrying the Chinese dog meat trade while still eating meat. Shut the fuck up already annoying sanctimonious vegan people.


Photo IBTimes/Reuters


Why, pray tell, does not being vegan make omnivores hypocrites for wanting to stop the dog meat festival in Yulin? It absofuckolutely doesn’t. I am all for cruelty-free living, but there is a gargantuan difference between your average American who eats meat and the Asian markets that slaughter everything that walks, crawls or swims, preferably in the most horrific way possible, in the name of “medicine”*.  Dogs are eaten in soup because it is supposed to make people cooler in the heat.  The dogs are tortured before they die because it’s supposed to make the meat “more tender”. Seriously.

Witchcraft is the root cause of the horrific deaths of so many animals.  People are rightly outraged over the treatment these dogs endure before they die in an outright demented way. On the whatthefuckery scale of 1-10, the Asian dog meat trade is sitting at an 11, and while the corporate farming practices in the United States are no prize, you don’t see that level of barbarity in the process and if you did, they would be all over the news. How do I know? I worked in the office at a meat packing plant in college and I saw a lot of crap that made me not eat meat. As horrible as the cow slaughter was, it wasn’t 25 dogs stuffed in stifling heat into a 4 x 4 wire crate being yanked out and bludgeoned repeatedly with a meat cleaver.

So self-righteous-vegan-prig posting diatribes about western people shutting up about the Yulin dog festival, I strongly suggest you shut your hole. We should welcome any help to stop this atrocity from any quarter.

*Lest you think this is some racist diatribe, the Asian market drives almost all the trade in endangered animal parts for use in “Traditional Chinese Medicine” much of which is absolute bullshit.  Check out this link to see the Thai monk tiger debacle and for more on tiger parts trade in general, see this link. There is no European/African/South American/Pacific Islander/NorthAmerican market for animal parts. It is certainly true that there are many Asians desperately working to stop this and they are making headway, but cultural norms take a long time to defeat. Try getting someone in the rural South to neuter their dog.


Facebook Killed the Social Media Star

Last week, Facebook got slammed in the press for bias for the way that Facebook trends news stories. There was much wailing and gnashing of teeth among the pundits who declared that the fix was in and the world was coming to an end. Despite all the hand wringing, I doubt Mark Zuckerberg ever foresaw Facebook becoming the planet’s primary source of news any more than Comedy Central intended Jon Stewart to the be the second coming of Cronkite for Gen Xers so it is hard to see this as some sort of evil plot and it’s more like a happy accident for Facebook. However, the reality is that Facebook is the virtual world for a huge number of people and what they see and when they see it is controlled by algorithms that determine the ranking of posts.  It’s a sad fact of life, but Facebook is actually the place people go to get news now.  Au revoir, CNN.

Since Facebook went public and needed a way to make money, they began to charge for the privilege of seeing posts. In essence, Facebook had the genius to get you to sign up and then get you to create all that content which it owns and then Facebook charges you for the privilege of having other people see your creations.  Distilled to its essence, the people that make the news now have to pay so that others see the news.  In the corporate world, this is fine and well and it’s just another form of advertising for which the corporate vampires must pay. The problem in my mind is that this is another form of shutting voices out because only those that can pay get to play and the only voices you will hear are those who can afford to pay.

This has had significant unintended consequences. I doubt Mark Zuckerberg and crew intended to cause harm to non-profits because with a face that dorky, I just can’t assign bad intent. It would be like Fred Savage’s face being the poster child for the slaughter of harp seals. It just cannot be. However, in the wake of these changes, non profits and community outreach organizations can no longer get their message out and their posts are swallowed in oblivion. By way of example, in 2012, the percentage of Big Fluffy Dog Rescue fans who saw posts exceeded 25%. Today, with the application of the algorithm, it’s less than 5% on average. When you are trying to find a home for a dog or raise funds to rescue one, having an audience of 175,000 versus 35,000 is a significant difference. You may not consider a post about a dog to be news, but it is news in the world of Facebook and if that cash-strapped rescue needs to raise funds, they can’t because they can’t afford the pay for play rules that govern the Facebook playground now.  Google recognized the problem immediately and they offer grants to non-profits for ad buys to help the little guys stand up and be heard. Facebook has failed to do the same and it is unfortunate across the board.

What started out as a revolutionary way to spread charitable intent and revolutionary thought has withered away and it is unfortunate that Facebook has killed what made it great in the first plac

I guess the pythons weren’t enough

Listen people. I have hit my threshold for stupidity. Let us discuss wild animals and where they belong. There are now confirmed Nile crocodiles in South Florida. Let me explain to you what Nile crocodiles do. They eat people among other things. Lots of them. They are not shy, retiring creatures like the American crocodiles which are native to South Florida. Nile crocodiles are bad ass motherfuckers and you don’t want to meet one mano a mano. I spent a lot of time in South Florida swamps and I have never worried about being eaten. You have to be very, very unlucky or incredibly stupid to get taken out by the local fauna. If there are Nile crocodiles in the mix, that’s a whole other thing.

This will be lunch for a Nile crocodile.

This will be lunch for a Nile crocodile.

So this begs the question, “Why are there motherfucking Nile crocodiles in South Florida?” Answer: Because pretty much anyone can get one, legally permitted or otherwise. Let’s start with the obvious which I will spell in all caps in case anyone misses it: WILD ANIMALS DO NOT NEED TO BE ANYWHERE OTHER THAN IN THE WILD, OR AT THE LEAST, SKILLED HANDS WITH PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT MORONS. General citizen Joe who thinks it’s cool to have a Nile crocodile does not need one. Neither really does anyone. I’m not super fond of zoos as I think animals need to be where they thrive and a zoo is not that place, but if you are going to have a crocodile, put it there and make sure the zoo isn’t a roadside attraction. As for the ones that get here illegally, they got here somehow, and I think we need to start screening shipments a little more closely. Crocodile hatchlings will fit in a box, but someone clearly should x-ray the box coming from South Africa if it makes squealing noises when shaken. Note to legislators everywhere: PASS SOME FUCKING HELPFUL LAWS AND STOP WORRYING ABOUT WHO IS HAVING SEX. We don’t need wildlife in the hands of anyone other than that guy that used to be on Letterman and a few like him.

While I am it, let’s talk about large mammals:

1. If you are a rap star or even a wannabe, don’t get a fucking tiger. You probably don’t warrant a dog. Maybe a chia pet. That your posse can remember to water.

2. If you think it would be totally cool to have a wolf, you’re an idiot and you should have your balls or equivalent thereof cut off before you breed. Wolves are not pets and living in a pen sucks.

3. Cervals, bobcats, lynx and so on are not pets. They are wild animals. You look like a tool if you try to keep one. So don’t.

4. Do not even think about chaining a bear up.

Wild animals are wild and they belong in the areas from whence they came. We don’t need Nile crocodiles in South Florida and you don’t need a fucking lion as a pet. Get a grip people.

The lunatics are on the grass

I have to go to my happy place right now because the dark side of the moon is not available. This will work:


That is marginally better, although I think this day may require two martinis.

1. The next person that emails me and demands that I take IMMEDIATE action (in caps) to expose and remedy a non-existent problem made up by them will die by my hands. No, actually, I do not give a fuck about what you think, thanks for asking. I lost 45 minutes of my life I will never get back responding to your insanity. Note to self: use block function more.

2. If your stated goal for the day is tramp stamp removal but your tagline is classy, you are not classy. Also, if your email has the words “classy, klassy, chick or ho”, you are not classy. Kindly keep your stupid unclassy thoughts to yourself and don’t send them to me. This also applies to people named Beatrice who want to friend me and just chat because they are super bored. If you can’t come up with a better escort name than Beatrice, you need remedial help in how to fleece unsuspecting men out of their money selling pics of a tranny with a tramp stamp that is not actually you. Also, there are some places with good tips on how to tuck that tool under for pics. Google it.

3. If more than one person suggests you might need medication or mental help, you actually need medication and/or mental help. Coconut oil is not actual medication. Also, a macrobiotic diet will not cure bipolar behavior. If it worked, you would have been cured. You’re not. The rest of us know this.

Have a good weekend kids.

These are the most self-absorbed assholes on the planet

This is an actual post on some asshole’s Facebook page. It is a rare site to see people who are so incredibly oblivious to their assholery as these people are. Read for yourselves.

Does anyone want our dog Ernie?
He is great with people, but he is not handling a second new baby to well. He is great with kids, but now that we have a new person who is above him on the totem pole…he just sits and whimpers.
He really needs a home where he can be more the center of attention. I think he would be great with old people or a family with slightly older children…who want to have a dog they can call their own.
I really do like him and kind of hurts to think about getting rid of him, but he is to needy for our family. We can’t spend time on a newborn AND him.
His next step is the Humane Society if nobody wants him.

John White's photo.
John White's photo.

This poor dog has been set aside because he’s no longer their child and they have more important things to do. Like write assholish posts begging to be resolved of their responsibility for an animal they took in.

Their acquaintances tried to make them see what giant douche canoes they are (names and photos are deleted because the douche canoes used their young child’s face as their avatar and it is not her fault she is related to these losers:


But no – reason and logic cannot work with these people. It is more important that her husband and child get the attention they need than poor Ernie. It was six whole years ago when he was their beloved baby, y’all. They have moved on. Apparently, so should he.

This, kids, is what happens when you raise self-absorbed jackasses. I am pretty sure their parents gave them a trophy for showing up to the football game even though they got drubbed 48-0. They are so important they can’t be bothered to care for the dog they used to love because no one has ever made them accountable for their actions. And they are raising the next generation. I hope she is better than they are. Best of luck kid with those parents.